Wendip Week 2017 - Day 1: meet the parents
by nautiscarader
Summary: Dipper is about to meet Wendy's father, officially as her boyfriend. What could go wrong? An older Wendip story.


\- Hi! I'm Dipper Pines, remember me, Mr. Corduroy?  
\- Of course he remembers you, you doofus. We helped him find his stolen beard last month. Not to mention all the other times we did something around the forest while he kept screaming "You crazy Pines go back to your crazy house of crazy craziness!".

Dipper threw an angry look to his sister, shuffling through the pages of her magazine. For the better part of last hour, she's been trying to help prepare Dipper for an official meeting with Wendy's father, although so far, her support turned out to be nothing but collection of casually thrown snarky responses.

\- Alright then. - Dipper cleared his throat and tipped his hat to his reflection - Hi, mr Corduroy! I'm so glad I can finally have a dinner with my girlfriend's father...  
\- Are you really glad, though?  
\- Of course not! - Dipper shouted - He's a walking mountain that could crush me with his little finger! If I say anything wrong, then I'm dead, do you understand that?

Mabel rolled onto her back and let out a deep sigh.

\- Dipper, you are doing it again.  
\- What?  
\- You're over-thinking things - she finally looked at her brother's frowned face - You've spent so much time prepa- is that a bow-tie?

They both stared at the curious bit of Dipper's attire that stood out from the rest of his vest and shirt.

\- Okay, this has to go.  
\- It will work, Mabel! I've got something neater to wear it with.  
\- Dipper, they are lumberjacks. - Mabel sighed, looking at her brother flipping through his set of identical, white shirts - They only know one colour: PLAD. If you wear a suit, they're gonna take you for a penguin!

A loud sound of a car horn interrupted the twins' bickering, but eased none of the tension Dipper was suffering from.

\- Oh my god, she's here! I'm late!  
\- In a car? What for? - Mabel raised her brows and jumped to her feet as well

And indeed, when Dipper opened the triangular window, the source of the sound turned out to be a green jeep, driven by the red-haired park ranger, Wendy Corduroy. She waved at her boyfriend through the car's roof, that was not so much "open" as "turned into a molten bit of metal about a week ago". Seeing his silhouette, Wendy pressed the horn once again, hastening Dipper's arrival.

\- Hi, Wendy! What's going on? - Dipper exclaimed, running through Mystery Shack's door without any care, leaving them open.  
\- I got an unexpected call, do you want to come with m- What are you wearing?

Dipper looked down, noticing that in the minute he had to finish dressing up, he has managed to put on his blue vest over the pristine, ironed white shirt, as well as socks of distinctively different colours. And the bow-tie.

\- Sorry, I was preparing for the dinner! - he apologised, giving her a quick peck on her cheek, as he hopped to the passenger's seat - So, what's the problem?  
\- We got call from the Multibear. Their daughter is missing.  
\- Oh no! Bear bear? - Dipper yelped  
\- Yeah. She's not a kid anymore, but still, things can go wrong. Hold on tight.

Dipper managed to lock his seatbelt a split of a second before he was pushed into his seat, as Wendy released the gas pedal and drove straight through the woods to the mountains towering over the treetops.

The term "park ranger" is a bit misleading. It implies a person that takes care of a park, but no one sane would ever use that word to describe the forests around Gravity Falls. Regulations, no matter how strict would fall flat on unicorns demanding supplies of glitter, or gnomes declaring their dens independent nations at least twice a year. The word "ranger" is also ill-fitted; no group of people would be able to range over the vast, ever-changing terrain of the Gravity Falls forests, that might look perfectly fine on Monday, but could be completely unrecognisable by Friday. And yet, when mayor Cutebiker decided that something should be done to protect the citizens of Gravity Falls from the forest creatures (as well as the other way around), the idea of "park rangers" was the most sensible one that was proposed. That position certainly wouldn't be Wendy's first choice of career, if not for the fact that nearly absolutely everyone else was terrified about the prospect of keeping the forests under control. It meant, however, that in Summer she would get to spend a bit more time with Dipper and Mabel, who, while not rangers themselves, provided much insight into the three key parts of the local ecosystem: fauna, flora, and the unknown. And truth to be told, the forests and the creatures could mostly take care of themselves, giving Wendy arguably even more free time than during periods of no visitors in the Mystery Shack.

As they drove up, Dipper remembered the first time he had to traverse the long road to the caverns atop the mountains surrounding Gravity Falls to prove his manliness to the clan of Manotaurs by killing the Multibear they were going to visit now. The very same reason pushing Dipper to these ridiculous quests was now keeping her focus on the bumpy, rocky road.

\- What? Is there something wrong?

In the corner of her eye Wendy noticed that for the last minute or so, Dipper kept staring at her, sitting motionlessly in his seat.

\- What? No, nothing. - Dipper quickly answered - I just like you in that outfit, it goes, uh, well with your eyes. And the, uh, the hat, I think it looks great too.

Wendy returned a polite, warm smile.

\- Dip, I hope you're not making some sort of list of small-talk jokes and praises for tonight, like this one. Dad doesn't like those, he can smell them.  
\- What? Me? Never! - Dipper retorted and tucked his hand deeper into his pocket pushing the piece of paper he spent his last night on. - It's just I-  
\- It's here.

Wendy stated firmly, rescuing Dipper from an awkward dead-end he got himself into, as they reached a giant, ominous cave at the very end of a windy road. The two adventurers got from the car, took their backpacks and wiped their boots on the colourful doormat, before they rang the doorbell.

* * *

\- Al-right, al-right, one head at a time! - Wendy shouted through the cacophony of ten jaws of the Multibear trying to explain what happened - So far, I got that she was sick, she got fed up with her favourite band, she thought the porridge was too hot, too cold, just enough, all at the same time. I, I need some clarification.

Wendy put away her notepad, trying to calm the distressed creature.

\- Multibear, just tell us what happened, step-by-step. We're gonna help you. - Dipper joined Wendy in her consolations

Ten loud sneezes into ten large handkerchiefs later, the Multibear told their story anew.

\- So, she hasn't come home tonight, and wasn't that keen on talking for the last month or so... - Wendy pondered.  
\- Have you tried searching for her before you called us?  
\- Of course! We went that way!

Wendy was quick enough to push Dipper from the reach of the claws, before the arms of the Multibear pointed, predictably, in seven different directions.

\- Please, help us! She only has two heads!  
\- Multibear, don't worry, we will find her! - Dipper quickly assured them.  
\- Okay... we're gonna start the search, and we will contact you if we find anything. - Wendy spoke unsteadily, giving her boyfriend a knowing nudge with her elbow.

The two rushed to the door, and only when they exited the cave, Wendy spoke.

\- Dipper, you don't say "don't worry" to someone, whose kid got lost. Worrying is kinda a part of the deal. And she obviously has tried searching for her. - Wendy fumed  
\- I'm sorry, Wen! - Dipper apologised profusely, getting into the car - I sometimes panic with stuff like that. That's why you do the talking, you're way better than me.  
\- That;s cos' I got experience, Dip. - Wendy smiled - Three brothers, and one more baby to scold at now.  
\- Wait, who are you talking about?

Only when Wendy gave him another smug smile, Dipper threw his arms into air with a loud "Come on!" that only cheered his girlfriend, opening the series of teasing that lasted all the way down the mountain.

* * *

After less than an hour of searching, Dipper was the first to notice oddly broken tree branches, paving their way down the forest.

\- Wendy, I think she was here.  
\- Well, it was something big. - she added - Actually, two of somethings.

The ground beneath them was filled with two overlapping trails, though both Wendy and Dipper had difficulty telling which series of paw-prints started and ended, or how many of paws each one had. Without any doubt, however, the mixed trail lead them to another cave underneath the mountain they drove from.

\- Is that cave on the map?  
\- No, it wasn't there last time we checked! - Dipper exclaimed, opening a large map - And that was last month, so Multibear's story makes sense. Something's fishy here.

Equipped with torchlights and guns with sleeping darts, the two adventurers followed the path up to the entrance of the cave, masked with a simple net of sticks and leaves. The two gave each other a knowing nod and held their hands one last time before pushing the provisional door away. As much as they both would like to make sure the other one is secure, four ready hands were better than two, providing better protection than the strongest infatuation.  
From the very start it became obvious that the creature, or creatures, had problems with the height of the cave. The middle of cavern's roof nearly looked like a cartoon cut-out of some enormous head trying to push through the rock. As the two ventured down the steep slope, Dipper tried imagining what animal could leave such unique markings. But when they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, they both spoke its name under their breath.

A horned silhouette of a manotour was visible on the wall in front of them, giving Wendy and Dipper some idea behind Bear bear's disappearance. It didn't help the fact that the manotour stood next to a huge steaming cauldron, and a sound of bones cracking and meat chopping reached Wendy and Dipper's ears. The two gave each other one final nod, prepared their weapons and crept towards the angled turn. The stench of a stew made from unknown meat filled their nostrils as they were about to lean over the wall, causing both of them to hold their breath for a moment.

\- And it's finally ready... Bear... - the deep, husky voice of the manotaur reverberated through the thick air.

Dipper and Wendy looked at each other, their eyes wide with both fear and determination, and on her mark they leaped from around the corner, ready to stun the manotaur.

\- Don't move, manotaur! And tell what you did to Bear bear!  
\- Ah! Humans! Help! - the manotaurs shrieked in a voice much higher than either of them expected, dropping the metallic bowl that landed on the rocky floor with a loud clunking noise.  
\- Oh, no, honey, your soup! - said a third, feminine voice.

Wendy lowered her gun and was about to instruct Dipper to do the same, but her boyfriend already seemed to have realised what was going on and stared, unable to shoot or aim, at the bizarre sight in front of them.

The bowl of spilled soup laid on the floor, to the dismay of two creatures: a manotaur in a pink kitchen apron, and a female multibear, with her four arms around her two heads, cowering in fear. She sat by a large, decorated rock table with two sets of utensils and a flowerpot in the middle of it.

\- What the heck...?  
\- You're not going to hurt us...? - Bear bear lowered her arms, staring at the two intruders.  
\- Gosh no, of course not! - Wendy explained, tucking her gun behind her back. - We, uh, sorry for the intrusion, but we got call from your...uh, mom, and we're not really sure what happened to you, so...  
\- Oh come on, Wendy. - Dipper interrupted - They are dating, isn't it obvious?

The brown face of the multibear blushed with red tint, matching the red skin of her boyfriend. Wendy moved her eyes from one to another, finally getting the whole picture.

\- But, shouldn't manotaurs be hating multibears...? Or has something happened in the last year?  
\- Most of us do.

The large horned creature, who was wiping the fluid from the floor for last minute or so stood back and faced Wendy.

\- Hi, I'm Razortaur.  
\- Uh, hi, I'm Wendy, and that's Dipper. - she reached to shake the enormous hand of the manotaur towering over her. - So, you guys live here?  
\- He was probably banished from his tribe - Dipper interjected once more. - Or something, the manotaurs seem to have lots of weird rules.

The cavern shook again, when Razortaur slammed his fist against the table, breaking off a part of it.

\- Razor, darling, don't get upset, they didn't mean to. - Bear bear closed gently her three paws around the manotaur's fist.  
\- Of course they banished me. They think I'm weak because of my love to you, my dearest!

To both Dipper and Wendy's surprise, Razortaur lowered his head and begun weeping into Bear bear's shoulder.

\- I was told to kill her as my trophy to prove my manliness! - he roared - But I couldn't kill someone of such beauty...

Razortaur cupped her closest mouth with his other hand, giving her a quick, oddly disproportionate-looking kiss.

\- Listen, guys - Wendy started - I hate to interrupt you, but your mom is seriously worried about you. And they knows something is up.  
\- But I can't go back! - Bear bear cried - They will hate me for dating our mortal enemy.  
\- Of course they won't. - Dipper retorted, sitting on the stone bench next to her - They love you, and will understand you, I'm sure of it.  
\- Are you, though...? - Wendy whispered, giving him another subtle nudge.  
\- Well, what else can we do to help them?  
\- I don't know, you do the talking. You seem way better at it.

Wendy sent him a cocky smile, stunning him momentarily, as he understood he was in charge now.

\- I really think you should go back to Multibear now. - Dipper replied to the creatures - Both of you, in fact.

Razortaur raised his head, staring at Dipper with utmost confusion in his eyes.

\- But... What if she hates me as well?  
\- Listen, I know it may be hard to confront your girlfriend's parent. - Dipper calmly replied - I mean, you are a manotaur, and she's a multibear-  
\- No, no, I'm not worried about that. - Razortaur quickly replied - Well, maybe a bit. But what if she doesn't like me as her daughter's boyfriend? What if I do something wrong, like eat honey with a spoon instead of a hand?

Dipper turned his head and exchanged a smile with Wendy, feeling the fingers of her hand intertwining with his.

\- Well, in worst case scenario, at least you will know it. Can't live in uncertainty forever, can you?  
\- Actually that was our idea. - Bear bear suddenly replied - We spent two weeks decorating this place!  
\- Okay, aside from that - Wendy took over from Dipper - I think Dipper is right. And we can vow for you that nothing nefarious is going on here.

The table shook again when Razortaur suddenly stood up, raising his fist into the air, and subsequently, the roof.

\- You are right, tiny humans! - he roared - I cannot cower in fear anymore! Quick, to your parent's cave!

Before Wendy or Dipper could react, the manotaur took his girlfriend into his arms, who in return grabbed them and flung the pair of adventurers onto his back, covered in thick hair they could grab onto. With three extra passengers, Razortaur ran with surprising ease, getting to the exit of the cave in no time, and traversing the rocky road much faster than their jeep could.

* * *

\- Okay, this is the moment. - Wendy put her arm on Bear bear's back, giving her much needed bit of courage.

\- When do I come in? - Razortaur's voice reached Dipper's ears from the corner he was hiding behind.  
\- We're gonna give you a sign. - Dipper whispered. - Oh, and one more thing.

Dipper ran to the Razortaur, took the bowtie from his neck and placed it crudely in his thick chest hair.

\- Now you look the part, buddy. - Dipper patted his back, before running back.

The doorbell rang again, and the figure of Multibear appeared in the doorway.

\- My child!

From the side, Dipper and Wendy could safely observe the heart-warming scene of mother and daughter hugging and exchanging kisses with combined twelve snouts, and wait until the right moment arrived.

\- But what happened? - the Multibear reached to Dipper and Wendy - Where was my Beary bear?  
\- Mom, don't call me that. I'm a grown up now. - the two mouths of younger multibear cried in anger - And, I want you to meet someone.

Dipper and Wendy grunted, and moved aside in unison, opening the road for Razortaur to appear. As they both predicted, Multibear was taken aback, but remained restrained, so neither of them had to use their stun guns.

\- This... This is Razortaur. And, uh, he's my boyfriend, mom.  
\- Afternoon, uh, mrs Multibear. I'm Razortaur. - the manotaur stepped from the behind the turn, fixing his bowtie, and digging his hoof nervously in the ground. - And your daughter was taking care of me when my tribe banished me. She was really sweet, and all of that.

Ten mouths gasped in awe and disbelief, before ten arms closed around manotaurs' neck and back.

\- I'm glad he omitted the whole "daughter killing" business - Dipper whispered to Wendy, getting a soft giggle in response  
\- Well... That's not what I expected - the Multibear admitted through tears - Would... Would you like to come in?  
\- Oh, it would be my pleasure. - Razortaur smiled  
\- And you can come too!

Multibear turned to the two humans standing somewhat cautiously by the rocky wall, once again hiding their guns behind their backs.

\- I didn't even thank you properly for finding my daughter.  
\- Not a problem, Multibear. - Dipper replied, tipping his hat. - And anyway, we have to attend, uh, another dinner now.  
\- Yeah, that was one heck of surprise, but we have to go. - Wendy added - We're glad everything turned out fine for you and Bear bear.

Arms of the multibear closed again, this time around Dipper and Wendy, smashing their bodies together and soaking them with salty, motherly tears.

\- At least now you will have to get a change of clothes... - Wendy wheezed through her teeth.  
\- And it can't be worse than this, can it? - Dipper smiled, wondering how long will Multibear's hug last.

* * *

\- Are you ready, dude?

In an oddly reminiscent fashion, Dipper stood in front of the large, wooden door of the Corduroys' house, still feeling a bit scared to make the first move. As if she could read his mind, Wendy took his hand and they both pressed the doorbell, and knocked the door a couple of times, just to be sure.

No one answered back.

\- Dad, guys, we're home! - Wendy shouted, wondering why her father wasn't responding.  
\- Uh, mister Corduroy, sir? It's me, Dipper Pines!

Suddenly, a loud, thundering series of approaching footsteps echoed through the house, giving both Wendy and Dipper an obvious sign to move out from the door, expecting Manly Dan to appear any moment now. Instead, however, not only he, but Wendy;s three brothers burst through the door, clinging their hands to their unnaturally weird looking faces.

\- My beard! They stole my beard again, damn pelicans! Why would they do that?! And my boys' too!

Wendy was first to reach to her father's back to give him a consolatory hug, leaving Dipper to get lost between the three crying beardless Corduroy brothers. Wendy gave Dipper a silent nod, and once she freed him from her family, they ran to her car again, knowing that their dinner might turn into a late supper today.


End file.
